My heart is in a twist. But he
sang “The Scientist” to me, and my heart untwisted just a little. He learned all the words. I told him I love that
song, and he learned all the words.
I had to find you. Tell you I
need you. Tell you I’ve set you apart.
“You know I love that song,” I
tell him again.
Tell me your secrets. And ask
me your questions. Oh, let’s go back to the start.
Running in circles, coming up
tails. Heads on the science apart.
A day passes. “I need to spend
some time with her now that you’re gone,” he says. “I need to reevaluate my
feelings. What I’m doing isn’t fair to me, it’s not fair to her — it’s really
not fair to you.”
He’s talking about his on-again, off-again girlfriend. She’s the only thing standing in my way. in our way.
He’s talking about his on-again, off-again girlfriend. She’s the only thing standing in my way. in our way.
My entire body goes cold. I say nothing. There’s a 50-50 chance he’ll choose me. There’s a much higher chance that he won’t choose at all.
Nobody said it was easy. It’s
such a shame for us to part.
Oh take me back to the start.
“Sorry if I said anything crazy
yesterday. I didn't really meant it,” I text him the next morning. I can’t
remember if I called him, and the saved texts don’t reveal much.
I was just guessing at numbers
and figures, pulling the puzzles apart.
I talked with my bestfriend back then “He loves me for years. Then I
leave, and after only two weeks, he doesn’t love me anymore,” I pause. “Where did I do wrong? Does it make any sense?” I’m hyperventilating.
Questions of science, science
and progress do not speak as loud as my heart.
“I love talking to you. I love
hanging out with you,” he says. “I don’t know what it is; I
can be myself with you. She called me and I had nothing to say. I was anxious
to hang up just so I could talk to you… I really, really miss you.”
It feels like ages ago since I
heard those words. Now he says, “I love you, but
I love her too. Her and I get along well together. I’m not a piece of shit. I can’t
just throw that all away.”
Tell me you love me. Come back
and haunt me. Oh and I rush to the start.
“I missed you,” I
say. I’m begging for attention.
He smiles, and says nothing.
He strokes my hair and hug me tight. I’m begging for time to rewind to that
day when he told me he loved me/missed me/wished I was there with him.
Running in circles, chasing our
tails. Coming back as we are.
Nobody said it was easy. It’s
such a shame for us to part.
“So you guys are really good
then?” I ask him. “You spend hours on the phone and really love each other? You have a
million things in common and crack each other up and want to be together all
the time?” There’s a hint of desperation in my voice. He doesn’t hear it
because it’s slathered so thickly in sarcasm.
“No…” He trails off. “You and I
have all that; you and I are the best. But then, I know this is for the best, for you and for me. What we have is more special than
any relationship — but I have to let you find another better man. And that’s really important.”
Nobody said it was easy. No one
ever said it would be this hard. I’m going back to the start.
My heart is in a twist still, but also, I’m OK sleeping by myself. And finally, I too have learned all the words to “The Scientist.”
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