About First Love

My daddy used to tell me that the first time you fall in love it changes your life forever. And no matter how hard you try, the feeling never goes away.-The Notebook

Do you ever just sit there and wonder why he chose you? Do you ever stop and think that it was just to good to be true? Does it ever seem like your afraid to lose him, because without him your whole life will be ruined.

Failing is the first step to success, crying is the first step to happiness. And heart break is the first step to true love.

And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day I hope something reminds you of me, and you wish you had stayed. We can plan for change in the weather and time, but I never planned on you to stop loving me.

I'm not even upset, hurt or angry anynmore.
I'm just tired.
I'm tired of putting in more effort than I recieve. 
I'm tired of holding on for nothing. 
I'm tired of believing all your lies. 
I'm tired of getting my hopes up only to be disappointed again.

I think one of the worst feelings in the world, right behind heart break, is that disgustingly empty feeling you get, right after you spill your heart out and lay all your cards on the table.

Right after you get the courage to say everything you have been feeling and be completely and recklessly honest. it's that feeling you get right after you risk everything, and he just walks away.


Because then you realize that you just lost. you lost everything you didn't even know you had when you said "what do i have to lose?''

One day when it's way too late you're going to say, "I love you." Then when I don't reply you're going to muster up everything you have and ask, 


"Do you love me?" 


and you know what i'm going to say, 
"I used to love you, I wish I still did, but you were with all those other girls, and you were way too blind to see what was right in front of you the whole time. I've dropped you hints, and I've tried to make it clear, but you never caught on. So right now I'm going to have to say, we're just friends, like you did to me all those times."

I can't say "screw him" about the boy that I came the closest to loving. 

I would still do anything for him even though I know he wouldn't do the same for me; 

it hurts more than anything, but I can't stop care for him. 

Believe me, I've tried.

I might not have you in my life, and I might never have you in it again. I might not be the first thought that comes up to your mind when you wake up, or the last one that leaves your head once you go to sleep, but I will always remember you  and you will always and forever be that one stage in my life where my first true love ever existed. 

I often wonder why God made me fall in love with you, was it to punish me for something that I did wrong? Cause it couldn't be that he thought you seriously did love me?

You want me to prove that I really love you, but the only proof I can give you is I held on to you even though you didn't care, I've waited even though you weren't coming, I loved you for so long even though you didn't notice.

He said, "I didn't mean to break your heart,"

but before he could finish, I replied with,
"I didn't mean to fall in love either, but we all make mistakes."

Everyone has that relationship that they never quite get over. No matter what happens in between, when you're together it's like nothing has changed. Deep down, you both know you're supposed to be together, but you just can't seem to make it work.

Stop saying you’re sorry. You wanna know something? I knew. I knew you didn’t feel that way about me. I knew and I still let it happen...because, well, I figured that one night with you was better than never. So, will you stop saying you’re sorry? Because you didn’t know better, but I did. - Grey’s Anatomy

My fav quotes

The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, forgetting that you are special too.

Suatu saat, akan ada orang yang akan menyayangi aku seperti aku menyayangimu sekarang. Amin.

The hardest thing I'll ever have to do, turn around and walk away pretending I don't love you. 

jika yang kamu rasakan lebih dari sekadar rindu, yang kamu butuhkan lebih dari sekadar menunggu. maka pulanglah!

Mungkin ingatan diciptakan, agar kau dan aku bisa terlihat lebih lama bersama, ketimbang apa yang ditawarkan oleh realita.

Ada yang meninggalkan lalu menangis, ada yang menangis lalu meninggalkan.

Sebelum memahami arti cukup, mencari yang terbaik atau yang lebih baik ialah hal yang tidak pernah ada selesainya.

Be with someone who can't stay mad at you, who can't stand not talking to you & who is scared to lose you.

Better to be told the truth and hurt for a moment then to be told what you want to hear and hurt forever.

Sometimes, the people you care about are the ones who care about you the less. And when they realize that, it'll be too late.

Ayo tersenyum; kita foto bersama. Bila suatu saat semua ini telah dimakan waktu, setidaknya kau bisa ingat, kita pernah sebahagia ini.

A part of me waits for you. Another part of me, hates that part.

It hurts so much that I couldn't get hurt anymore. Because I merely feel nothing.

The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging and you have to act like you don’t care at all.

source : http://twitter.com/#!/dennareliadi/favorites

Anomali

Maaf
Tanpa seizinmu
Aku terus menikmati
Bayang indahmu

Kini
Aku yang anomali
Hanya memandang
Imaji yang tak bisa kumiliki

Personality Test

Aesthetic

You appreciate art, beauty, and design; you know that they are not superficial but absolutely crucial to living the good life. You have good taste, and you're proud of it. Those with a high score on the "aesthetic" trait are often employed in literary or artistic professions, enjoy domestic activities — doing things around the house — and are enthusiastic about the arts, reading, and travel.

You don't think it's pretentious to be moved by art and beauty. You're not one of those who believe it doesn't matter what something looks like as long as it does its job.

Upbeat

You enjoy being around others and others enjoy being around you. You have a "live and let live" attitude; because you know that no one's perfect, you are forgiving and happy to give the benefit of the doubt.

You don't feel the need to be controversial or express contrary opinions all the time. You see no reason to go around rubbing people the wrong way.

Understanding

You are willing to take the time to find out what's going on with other people, especially if they're in distress. You're a good listener, you don't criticize, and you offer unbiased, respectful, honest advice when it's requested. With a high score on the "understanding" trait, it is likely that you are enthusiastic about charitable work, helping others, and making the world a better place.

You don't feel the need to impose your standards on others or say things that, even though true, cause pain.

Scrupulous

You are an honest, fair person. You don't lie or cheat to get ahead. You treat others with respect and hope for the same in return.

You do not feel that you are above the rules that everyone else follows; you are definitely not willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead.

Optimistic

You are a "glass half-full" kind of person, always on the lookout for the silver lining. Your happiness is contagious, which is why others like to be around you.

You do not feel that the world is an intrinsically depressing place; you are not the kind of "realist" who thinks that only fools find joy in life.

Buttoned-Down

You like to know that everything is in its place; it's somehow empowering to know that the world around you is neat and organized. For you, schedules and timelines are great ways to stay on track, and mowing down the items on your "to do" list is a source of happiness.

You do not believe that a clean, orderly desk is the sign of a person who doesn't have enough to do; you don't thrive on a sense of personal anarchy.

Friendly

You would rather hang out with others than spend time alone, and you'd far rather be doing something with your friends than just sitting around. You're happy in a crowded room, club, stadium, or auditorium.

You're not a private person who is ill at ease in a group; you don't view excessive socializing as a waste of time.

Warm

You have a genuine interest in other people. You're a natural host, and are always thinking about how you can increase the happiness of those around you. When friends have problems or are in trouble, you're usually the first person they turn to for aid and comfort. Scoring high on the "warm" trait suggests that you are among those who enjoy domestic activities — doing things around the house — and are enthusiastic about charitable work, helping others, and making the world a better place.

You don't always say exactly what you're thinking; you don't like the idea of causing anyone pain because of your criticism.

Tender

You are gentle with others, both physically and emotionally. You are careful not to upset people and go out of your way to find the nicest way to say something. You naturally focus on the fact that the world is full of wonderful people, places, and things. More often than not, people with a high score on the "tender" trait enjoy spending time with children, love romantic movies, and are enthusiastic about making the world a better place.

You don't think of yourself as tough-minded or gruff, nor do you need to be seen as some kind of objective source of truth and rationality.

Empathetic

You are in touch with your own feelings, which helps put you in touch with the feelings of others.

You don't buy the logic that your happiness comes ahead of everyone else's because unless you're happy you're incapable of making anyone else happy.

Take your personlity test here

Untuk apa

Lihatlah bagaimana jasadku terbaring dengan damai
Jadi untuk apa kalian terus menangisi sesuatu yang takkan tercapai?


Lihatlah bagaimana putih begitu menenangkan
Jadi untuk apa kalian terus memilih hitam untuk berpakaian?


Tenanglah semua
Aku pergi bukan untuk meninggalkan
Ini adalah permulaan penantian
Karena kematian bukanlah akhir dari kebahagiaan
Melainkan awal dari indahnya kekekalan


Suatu saat nanti akan datang sebuah pengertian
Yang aku harap tidak terlambat kalian temukan


Bahwa
Semuanya
Sempurna
Tepat
Pada Akhirnya...

SHIVER - COLDPLAY

So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention, do you?
I know you don't listen to me
'Cause you say you see straight through me, don't you?

But on and on
From the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side; just you try and stop me
I'll be waitin' in line, just to see if you care

Oh…
Did you want me to change?
But I'd change for good
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way
I wanted to say…

Don't you shiver
Shiver
Sing it loud and clear
I'll always be waiting for you

So you know how much I need you
But you never even see me, do you?
And is this my final chance of getting you?

And on and on
From the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side; just you try and stop me
I'll be waiting in line, just to see if you care, if you care

Oh…
Did you want me to change?
Well I'd change for good
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way
I wanted to say…

Don't you shiver
Don't you shiver
Sing it loud and clear
I'll always be waitin' for you

Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you, for you
I will always be waiting…

And it's you I see but you don't see me
And it's you I hear so loud and so clear
I sing it loud and clear
And I'll always be waiting for you

So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention
And you know how much I need you
But you never even see me

Tuesdays With Morrie

"Berbuatlah apapun yang sesuai dengan kata hati.Apabila kita berbuat demikian, kita tidak akan merasa kecewa, kita tidak akan merasa iri, kita tidak akan mendambakan milik orang lain. Sebaliknya, kita kewalahan dengan ganjaran yang akan kita terima.

"Yang sangat didambakan oleh orang-orang ini pada dasarnya adalah kasih sayang.

Namun, karena tidak mendapatkannya, mereka mengikatkan diri pada harta benda dan mengharapkan semacam kepuasan dari situ.

Akan tetapi usaha mereka tidak pernah berhasil. 

Kita tidak pernah dapat menukar cinta, kelembutan, 

keramahan, atau rasa persahabatan dengan harta benda."

Ada beberapa aturan yang menurutku berlaku untuk cinta dan perkawinan :

1. Kalau kita tidak menghormati pihak yang lain, kita akan mendapatkan banyak masalah.

2. Kalau kita tidak tahu cara berkompromi, kita akan mendapatkan banyak masalah.

3. Kalau kita tidak mampu bicara terbuka tentang apapun yang terjadi di antara kita dan pasangan, kita akan mendapatkan banyak masalah.

4. Kalau kita tidak memiliki seperangkat nilai yang kita sepakati bersama dalam hidup,kita akan mendapatkan banyak masalah. Nilai-nilai yang kita anut harus sama."

Apakah Globalisasi Telah Menggerus Kebudayaan Sunda?

Judul di atas merupakan pertanyaan yang menantang kita untuk menjawabnya. Apakah benar globalisasi telah menggerus nilai-nilai kebudayaan Sunda yang luhur?

Orang Sunda adalah kelompok etnis terbesar kedua di Indonesia. Jika ditelusuri, terdapat sejarah kerajaan Tarumanegara yang menjadi asal-usul nenek moyang orang Sunda. Asal-usul inilah yang kemudian menciptakan sebagian besar budaya Sunda yang terbawa hingga sekarang. Keberhasilan sejarah di masa lalu yang diciptakan pada masa kerajaan tersebut berdampak pada kentalnya budaya masa lampau dan mempengaruhi nilai-nilai yang dianut masyarakat Sunda hingga kini.

Namun, pada masa modernisasi saat ini tampaknya budaya Sunda semakin bergeser eksistensinya. Hal ini dapat disebabkan oleh gempuran budaya asing ke dalam nilai-nilai budaya Sunda sehingga terjadi pergeseran nilai-nilai luhur yang ada di dalam budaya Sunda itu sendiri. Contoh yang paling dekat dalam kehidupan sehari-hari adalah penggunaan bahasa Sunda, terutama oleh generasi muda yang semakin ditinggalkan. Penggunaaan bahasa Sunda semakin jarang digunakan akhir-akhir ini. Malah generasi muda menganggap penggunaan bahasa Sunda ketinggalan jaman dan “gak gaul”.

Bahkan mahasiswa yang mengambil jurusan Sastra Sunda saja merasa minder dan tidak percaya diri dengan jurusan yang diambilnya. Padahal seharusnya dia bangga sehingga dia dapat meneruskan pakar-pakar budaya Sunda yang semakin ke sini semakin berkurang akibat tidak adanya regenerasi.

Hal ini sangat memprihatinkan bahwa anak muda jaman sekarang lebih hedonis dan hanya memikirkan kepentingan-kepentingan individualis yang dapat menguntungkan dirinya. Idealisme untuk memajukan kebudayaan bangsa sendiri semakin tergerus oleh kenyataan yang ada bahwa untuk bisa bertahan hidup, kita harus realistis, sehingga idealisme itu semakin mengendur. Ditambah lagi dengan adanya sikap senioritas para generasi sebelumnya yang menganggap generasi muda sekarang “terlalu kreatif” dan bertentangan dengan pemahaman yang dianut oleh generasi sebelumnya. Penolakan-penolakan ide kreatif tersebut pada akhirnya membuat generasi muda malas dan apatis terhadap budayanya sendiri. Hal ini tentunya merugikan sekali karena perkembangan budaya jadi terhambat.

Makna kata Sunda sangat luhur, yakni cahaya, cemerlang, putih, atau bersih. Makna kata Sunda itu tidak hanya ditampilkan dalam penampilan, tapi juga didalami dalam hati. Karena itu, orang Sunda yang 'nyunda' perlu memiliki hati yang luhur pula.

Makna yang dalam ini perlu diresapi ke dalam hati kita yang bersih agar kita merasa memiliki dan mencintai kebudayaan Sunda yang kita miliki. Rasa memiliki itu akan berkembang menjadi rasa bangga yang kemudian rasa bangga tersebut melahirkan langkah tindakan untuk memajukan budaya Sunda dan membawanya ke lingkup nasional bahkan internasional sehingga budaya Sunda tidak lagi terbelakang dan tertutup oleh modernisasi yang menganggap budaya asing lebih baik dibanding budaya bangsa sendiri. Justru langkah maju tersebut menjadikan budaya Sunda gemerlap dan menjadi primadona di mata dunia internasional.

Promise me

Promise me.

You will date a girl that loves you more than I do.

So that, i can let go of you without no worries.

Promise me.

Will you?

:)

Get Up and Go

The hardest thing to let go is someone you have loved so much, someone you have shared much of your life and you always thought he or she would be forever there. Once you build this attachment, it is like a habit to you, how your day will be is dependent on how your relationship is going to be with that other person for that day. It is an investment to put your heart completely to another person that when it fails, we go into emptiness.

When I lost the one I love

I never thought of letting go or moving on as an option for my failed relationship. I thought my relationship was never going to end, a fairytale come true. It felt like everything was going the way we wanted. We even planned our future together, believing that we were meant to be in that relationship. The sweet promises of forever, an everlasting love, we had it all. We spent almost two years together, everything was going well until one day he wanted a different life, a life that I am not part of.

Minutes were like hours, days were like months, and months were like years. The cycle was too tiring; I kept on crying, wishing and regretting. It was like I will never move on. It was just too hard, because I had built a world around this person. How can I just move on when I was still in love with him…? I just can’t move.

Why it was hard for me to let go  

I fought a painful reality because I could not see myself being with another person, or him with another person. It was just hard to accept but it was inevitable. I tried pursuing him, tried all methods of persuasion, and prayed hard. I did everything that I could do, but he was never coming back. It left me so broken; I felt that I was trapped in the pain of defeat.

No matter how we enrich ourselves, we always feel that we are at a loss, thoughts of that person hang into our mind, dragging us into an abyss full of pain, regret and sometimes self-pity. We become so helpless, we just can’t let go of the fact that he/she is gone, we still want to hold on so much, but we find ourselves alone.

I am not a stranger to pain and to loss, but even with my deep experience I never found an easy way to let go. We love passionately, that when we lose, we become stuck. It is normal to feel this way, the feeling of wanting to hold on to that relationship, to that person, believing so much that things could still work out, or that person will still come back to us and pick us out from the pains of loneliness and heartbreak. But later on we realize he or she is never coming back.

What it takes to let go

Let Go! We have heard this so much, but we simply can’t, we just can’t… or can we? It takes a lot of courage, time and confidence. Courage, to stand and try to live life again. Time, to patiently wait and allow it to make all the hurt go away. Confidence, to believe in ourselves and know that we can be happy again.

Let go, let God

Life will always be meaningful, no matter how depressing life maybe. Letting go is just one of those struggles that we have to face. Be moved by people who have had the courage to move, to let go. If we find the pain to be too much, He is always there, just hang on a little longer. Remember that the best tip on letting go is praying to Him. No matter how harsh life is, He will always be there and will never let us go…

He will heal everything in His time. We just have to make that surrender and have that security in Him. Because in the end, the best solution is His love for us, not the methods we read or the tips that we are advised to follow.

mencintai secara dewasa

Have you ever missed someone so much like there is one big hole in your chest? I have. For many times. Yes, I do miss you.

Semoga semua keputusan ini adalah yang terbaik. Aku tidak tau apa yang ada di depan sana. Tapi untuk saat ini, aku ingin kita belajar mencintai secara dewasa.

Tiga tahun bukan waktu yang sebentar, apalagi untuk yang pertama. Udah banyak pengorbanan, sakit hati, air mata, kebahagiaan, dan cerita yang dibangun. Sudah terlalu sering aku mencoba mengkompromikan semuanya demi perasaan yang ada. Sampai akhirnya sekarang, semua terasa sia-sia. But, at least, I have tried.

Jutaan kata-kata yang aku tulis di sini tidak akan bisa melukiskan bagaimana aku merasa kehilanganmu, mungkin salahku yang terlalu dalam menyayangi kamu. Mestinya dari dulu aku bisa kuat untuk melangkah meninggalkanmu, tapi.. kamu tau, aku tidak bisa sekuat itu.

Aku tidak tau kenapa aku terus mencintai kamu walaupun aku tau aku akan terluka lagi seperti sebelumnya. Aku tidak pernah belajar dulu, aku tidak ingin belajar saat aku masih cukup kuat untuk tetap mencintai kamu.

Sekarang, aku akan merelakan semua harapan yang terlanjur aku gantung tinggi, jatuh begitu saja karena aku tak mampu lagi menangkapnya. Biarkan saja jatuh, luruh bersama derasnya hujan.

Aku akan mencintaimu secara dewasa, secara diam-diam. Aku akan selalu bersamamu di antara doa-doa tengah malamku. Aku mungkin tidak bisa di sampingmu lagi tapi aku tidak akan pernah berhenti menyayangi kamu, mungkin nanti porsinya akan berkurang, mungkin suatu saat nanti. I never stop loving you, I just learn to live without you.

And someday I hope you will understand.