Love Triangle

Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry. You don’t know how lovely you are.

My heart is in a twist. But he sang “The Scientist” to me, and my heart untwisted just a little. He learned all the words. I told him I love that song, and he learned all the words.

I had to find you. Tell you I need you. Tell you I’ve set you apart.

“You know I love that song,” I tell him again.

Tell me your secrets. And ask me your questions. Oh, let’s go back to the start. 

Running in circles, coming up tails. Heads on the science apart.

A day passes. “I need to spend some time with her now that you’re gone,” he says. “I need to reevaluate my feelings. What I’m doing isn’t fair to me, it’s not fair to her — it’s really not fair to you.”

He’s talking about his on-again, off-again girlfriend. She’s the only thing standing in my way. in our way.

My entire body goes cold. I say nothing. There’s a 50-50 chance he’ll choose me. There’s a much higher chance that he won’t choose at all.

Nobody said it was easy. It’s such a shame for us to part.

Oh take me back to the start.

“Sorry if I said anything crazy yesterday. I didn't really meant it,” I text him the next morning. I can’t remember if I called him, and the saved texts don’t reveal much.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures, pulling the puzzles apart.

I talked with my bestfriend back then “He loves me for years. Then I leave, and after only two weeks, he doesn’t love me anymore,” I pause. “Where did I do wrong? Does it make any sense?” I’m hyperventilating.

Questions of science, science and progress do not speak as loud as my heart. 

“I love talking to you. I love hanging out with you,” he says. “I don’t know what it is; I can be myself with you. She called me and I had nothing to say. I was anxious to hang up just so I could talk to you… I really, really miss you.”

It feels like ages ago since I heard those words. Now he says, “I love you, but I love her too. Her and I get along well together. I’m not a piece of shit. I can’t just throw that all away.”

Tell me you love me. Come back and haunt me. Oh and I rush to the start.

“I missed you,” I say. I’m begging for attention.

He smiles, and says nothing.

He strokes my hair and hug me tight. I’m begging for time to rewind to that day when he told me he loved me/missed me/wished I was there with him.

Running in circles, chasing our tails. Coming back as we are. 

Nobody said it was easy. It’s such a shame for us to part.

“So you guys are really good then?” I ask him. “You spend hours on the phone and really love each other? You have a million things in common and crack each other up and want to be together all the time?” There’s a hint of desperation in my voice. He doesn’t hear it because it’s slathered so thickly in sarcasm.

“No…” He trails off. “You and I have all that; you and I are the best. But then, I know this is for the best, for you and for me. What we have is more special than any relationship — but I have to let you find another better man. And that’s really important.”

Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard. I’m going back to the start.

My heart is in a twist still, but also, I’m OK sleeping by myself. And finally, I too have learned all the words to “The Scientist.”

An Open Letter To You

Dear You,

I didn’t really know what to write when I first set out to talk to you. As adult, we have the ability to recognize when something is over and accept that you can’t change it, right? As with many things in my life, I guess I sometimes walk around with the frayed strings of what we broke off. Words I didn’t say, ways in which I hurt you, things that I’ve changed that I wish you could see.

I feel like I was so much happier when we broke up, the relieve feeling that I believe as the right decision we have made. 

When I look back at the words I allowed myself to say to you, and the mistakes that I thought were more than okay to be making, I feel overwhelmed with embarrassment and regret. How could I have let you, someone who knew me well enough to love me, to rub my scalp when I was sick and cheer me up when I'm down, see me in such an immature, hurtful state? I just want to go back and wipe those ugly moments from your memory. I want you to see me only as I should have been treating you, with compassion and respect. 

“Sorry” is a hard word to say, though, and not really because you don’t want to admit you’re wrong. It just often feels… insufficient. It feels like I’m trying to make excuses for something. I’m not. I am sorry. I am sorry that I allowed myself to drag the end of our relationship out so much farther than it should have gone. 

There are only so many fights, so many words we don’t really mean hurled at each other before we both have to say, “Okay, this isn’t working.” I should have done that much sooner than I did, and maybe you should have, too, but I’m not here to blame you.

And I know that’s hard to believe, because I spent so much time blaming you for things. You weren’t care enough, or funny enough, or love me enough. You didn’t do things the way I thought you should do them, and therefore you deserved to hear about it. 

Since then, though, I’ve figured out that running around in circles trying to change people isn’t going to help anyone, and that the only person I can actually change is myself. I want you to understand that I don’t hate you, I hated the person that you were with me. But I also hated the person I was with you. We were like this awful poison coursing through each other’s veins. I was sick.

When I say that I want you to be happy, I mean it. Really mean it. We’re used to thinking that no one can just move on from a lost love and genuinely want the other person to find happiness somewhere else in life, but I do. It’s taken a while, but I’ve finally realized that we were simply not right for each other.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel good about who you are, who could bring the best of you and support you anytime. And after spending so long trying to fit a jagged piece into the puzzle with me, you should be able to just feel the ease of a good match.

I do think about you sometimes, though. I think about what you’re doing, who you’ve become without me, what parts of your personality have risen to the top or almost faded away now that I am no longer a daily influence on your life. 

I want to see you as a happy, and learned how to be happy and full. I want you to learned to express your emotion, to speak out about what you actually feel. When you love her, tell her you love her. When you don't want to lose her, tell her that she's important to your life. When you want her back, tell her that you want her back. Just tell her anything you feel. And don't make her sick of questioning about how do you feel about her.

I am no longer tricking myself into thinking that we should have made it work (or that it was even a possibility), and the mourning period of your loss has passed. It’s more now a quiet sadness about the love that has disappeared from my life. 

And as you may know that I can befriend with all of my ex before you. Even better I can be their bestfriend and never get lost contact with them. So that I might treat you as I treated them. As a real friend.

Maybe if you’re free one day, we could get a cup of coffee. We could sit and talk about all of the funny things that happened with your old friends and our long trips in the past, and the things we used to talk about doing but never ended up getting to.

It would be nice to feel that all of that love wasn’t meant to just be destroyed by the window of ugliness we experienced towards the end. There were still good things to take out of our love, so much that I learned. I hope you learned, too. 

I hope that you can look back and see things about us that make you smile, that remind you how much fun it could be, even if we weren’t meant to be. 

I hope you understand that I will always care for you, in the way one might a distant friend you’ve lost touch with but still long to laugh with every so often. 

And I hope you’re well. I hope you’re living life the way you wanted to, and have gained enough perspective to know, as I know, that something doesn’t have to last forever to have value.

Love,
Me.

Reincarnation?

Your past life diagnosis:

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I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern North New Zealand around the year 1350. Your profession was that of a banker, usurer, moneylender or judge.

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Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
As a natural talent in psychology, you knew how to use your opportunities. Cold-blooded and calm in any situation.

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The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your task is to learn, to love and to trust the universe. You are bound to think, study, reflect, and to develop inner wisdom.

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Do you remember now?



Mau tau diri kamu sebelum reinkarnasi itu siapa? Check this out  your past life 

Black Swan

A psychological thriller set in the world of New York City ballet, BLACK SWAN stars Natalie Portman as Nina, a featured dancer who finds herself locked in a web of competitive intrigue with a new rival at the company (Mila Kunis). A Fox Searchlight Pictures release by visionary director Darren Aronofsky (THE WRESTLER), BLACK SWAN takes a thrilling and at times terrifying journey through the psyche of a young ballerina whose starring role as the duplicitous swan queen turns out to be a part for which she becomes frighteningly perfect.

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This is one of my favorite movie. Tell us about a mental illness called Schizophrenia; psychotic psychiatric disorder most commonly characterized by loss of feeling and the affective or emotional response to withdraw from normal interpersonal relationships. Often accompanied by delusions (false beliefs) and hallucinations (sensory perceptions without any stimulation).

In this movie, Natalie Portman as Nina created a conflict with herself and she try to push herself to be the best. She has a fear of being replaced by her opponents, Lily (Mila Kunis), so she pushed herself to try as much as possible being the Black Swan and also try to get rid of her rival.

Black Swan is a unique movie. Beautiful, but it might be disturbing to others. Why? Well in addition this film is mostly dark and full of hallucinations, the 'experiment' scene with herself or her sexual experiment with Lily may not be enjoyed for some people (but hey, they're done with taste, lol).

Ciri-Ciri Psikopat

Pernah punya pengalaman kekerasan sama pacar, mantan, teman atau orang terdekat kamu yang pernah mengalaminya?

Menurut profesional, ada beberapa tanda sebagai peringatan kalau orang itu adalah psikopat. Kamu harus hati-hati sama orang model begini :

1. Suka bermain dengan simpati kita : Psikopat akan menggunakan cara apapun untuk menyakiti kita, lalu tanpa perasaan akan bermain dengan rasa simpati kita. Mereka cenderung membiarkan kita percaya pada mereka. Kalau suka bertemu dengan orang yang banyak omong dan show off, gunakan hati nurani kamu apakah orang itu tulus atau tidak.

2. Manipulatif : Secara umum psikopat suka bermain dengan emosi kamu. Mereka ingin kamu jatuh, merasa cemas atau takut.

3. Parasit : Psikopat akan menggunakan kharisma dan bujuk rayu mereka untuk mendapatkan apapun yang dia mau. Jarang ada manfaat atau untungnya buat kamu. Kamu hanya dieksploitasi mereka agar mereka bisa mencapai tujuan mereka.

4. Palsu : Mereka adalah orang yang akan menipu dan berbohong padamu secara terus-terusan. Hidup mereka dipenuhi kebohongan. Jika kamu mengetahui kalau dia berbohong, maka dia akan menyangkalnya dan membuat pernyataan lain untuk membela diri.

5. Sangat charming : Psikopat biasanya memiliki karakter yang karismatik. Mereka mempesona dan mudah bergaul. Mereka bisa membuat seseorang merasa penting seperti raja/ratu, tetapi itu tidak akan berlangsung lama, setelah kamu terbuai oleh persona mereka, mereka akan menjatuhkan kamu dan pergi meninggalkan kamu.

6. Angkuh : Psikopat itu terperangkap dengan diri mereka sendiri dan ide betapa pentingnya diri mereka. Mereka sombong, angkuh, kejam, arogan dan suka merusak, mengkritik dan membuat kamu down.

7. Tidak pernah mau disalahkan : Psikopat percaya bahwa mereka tidak pernah bisa untuk disalahkan, mereka tidak akan menerima kesalahan apapun yang dituduhkan kepadanya.

8. Sangat reaktif : Meskipun psikopat dapat dengan cepat menutupi kemarahan mereka, mereka akan bereaksi berlebihan terhadap penghinaan dan sakit hati, atau bereaksi berlebihan terhadap rasa hormat (gila hormat), pengakuan dan respek.

9. Risk-takers : Orang jenis ini adalah risk takers yang ekstrim, dia suka dan merasa tertantang pada hal-hal yang penuh risiko. Mereka bisa melakukan apapun yang membahayakan orang lain. Mereka haus kekuasaan dan kontrol terhadap orang lain.

Note : Menurut penelitian, psikopat tidak bisa disembuhkan. Jadi lebih baik jaga diri dan jaga jarak aman dengan mereka, lebih aman lagi, jangan pernah membentuk hubungan apapun dengan mereka.

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